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The first eclipse of the year feels much like punch on the face. I’m sorry to tell you the world does not revolve around you anymore. You’re no longer the protagonist, but the supporting actor in this play. Focus not on being supported but on being of support. Relationships are the main character this year. If you have been worried about being recognized and accepted in business or in love, you’ll have a hard time the next following months. There must be a shift of mindset from “me first” to “we first”.
The Total Lunar Eclipse occurs on April 15, 2014 at 25º 16′ of Libra conjuncting the North Node in Libra and opposing the Sun in Aries. Its effects can last for up to six months. This eclipse reveals a critical situation regarding relationships — specially friends, spouses, and business partners. Beware impulsiveness, anger, and self-centeredness. There is a calling to be aware of the other. By stepping out of your own center with selflessness and seeing the world through your partner’s eyes, you might be more understanding. A lot of trouble can be avoided if you take things slowly, think things through, and check in with the other because you might easily get angry, as indicated by the conjunction of the Moon with Mars. Asking questions, listening and taking the other person’s opinions, desires, and needs into account will do wonders. As we know, eclipses work through challenges and crisis to reveal a hidden truth, which we might have been unwilling to see. This is our chance to see what is really going on.
THE MANIPULATOR VS. THE MANIPULATED
Putting our own ego in its proper place is difficult and putting egotistical people in their proper place is even harder. We imagine these people to be obviously selfish, aggressive, and dismissive of others, but since we will be dealing with its Libra expression, it’s not that simple. This person won’t raise his or her voice nor be obviously aggressive but passive-aggresive. He —or she — might seem to be your true friend and have your best interest as a priority, but if you differ, he will seduce you to change your mind without you even noticing. It is the art of using diplomacy and tact to manipulate. This is a pattern to be identified and eliminated. From the outside is imperceptible, but from up close, it is vile. Of course, there are two sides to this situation: the manipulator and the manipulated.
If you have tried tirelessly to be heard and included in the decision making, I’m afraid you are the manipulated one. You might feel depleted, ignored, and dismissed. You may lack intimacy, emotional connectedness, and nurturing in your relationship. Maybe the relationship feels like a set of rewards, punishments, and trading. If this is your situation, an agreement must be reached through frank communication, negotiation, and understanding. Be sure to express yourself first, so you don’t fall under the spell of the seductive manipulator from the start. Only when both parties agree to the boundaries and conditions set, you can move forward. If that doesn’t happen, specially if you have tried many times, don’t think twice and walk away. You don’t need to be receiving orders from a person who’s not willing to listen, negotiate, nor be a genuine team player. Take some time to think about how this relationship is a reflection of how you relate with yourself. Why are you going through this experience? Are you ignoring and depleting yourself for the sake of the relationship? Are you not nurturing nor taking care of yourself expecting someone else to do it for you? There are clearly deeper issues at hand related to self-love, self-value, and self-worth that will arise during the solar eclipse of April 29. Think this through. Remember that the answers you are seeking are always and only within you.
If, on the other hand, you feel shocked and devastated because your partner is unsatisfied in the relationship or if your partner has left you and you don’t understand why, most probably you are the manipulator. You might not have acknowledged how you have starved your partner of love. You may have ignored all the signs and expressed wishes of your partner until he or she has decided to get some nurturing elsewhere. This is a sign of being on the receiving end of the relationship. Others don’t want to be told what to do without their feelings being taken into account and that’s where you are at fault: unawareness of the other. I’m sure this is not the first time you hear this. Making assumptions and decisions without asking the other creates resentment because it makes him or her feel like they are not being trusted. Relationships are a team effort and you cannot lead at will as if you are on your own. You should be aware of the other’s differences and celebrate them. The other has something that you don’t and viceversa and will do things differently. At this time we are all learning about ourselves by comparison with some else. Jan Spiller describes your strengths very well as:
- intense effort
- willingness to sacrifice and endure deprivation
- 100% goal-focused orientation
- insistence on immediate results
- impulsive initiative – the hero mentality
- high-energy modes
- willingness to take personal risks
She also describes others strengths that partners may bring to your life and that you may lack, such as:
- the ability to appreciate the process of reaching the goal, which can slow you down and give you more staying power
- communication skills, which can create rapport and understanding
- empathy, which give you a sense of belonging
- playfulness, which can make the process of reaching a goal enjoyable
- analytical abilities and a capacity for working with details
- sensitivity to others’ needs
- the ability to create synergy, which can enormously empower both parties
- a sense of adventure
- managerial skills
- creativity and inventiveness
- the capacity for compassion, which can heal you
You cannot measure equality as a 50-50 sharing scenario. Each person must give a 100% in their own way and in their own time. Respect that. If you can’t find or don’t want to see your own faults, how are you ever going to fix it and grow? You’ll end up repeating the same experience over and over until the lesson is learned. That is not cost-effective, is it? Do yourself a favor, spend some time alone reflecting upon yourself and save yourself some suffering. Slow down! Some solitude and looking at your dark side will help heal wounds and break old patterns. You should make amends with what you don’t like about yourself. Show yourself some compassion. Remember you are not destined to do things alone, but to work in a team and in this context the dynamics are quite different than what you think. If you feel you want to pull and do things on your own and insist on always taking charge, stop. Take a deep breath and a step back. Look at the big picture and ask the other if and how they want to participate and how you can help. Don’t do it because you want something from him or her, but because you genuinely want to help the one you love and trust to be happy. Trust me, it’s liberating.
GIVING WITHOUT EXPECTING ANYTHING BACK
There is a big lesson to be learned about reciprocity. When one gives in a relationship, it is done in the grace of giving, selflessly, without expecting anything back. It’s a natural expression of love. The only reward you get is the happiness of knowing that you helped someone else heal or reach a goal. That way, the other person feels such gratitude that wants to do something in return spontaneously. But there is a big problem when the person who gives expects something back, specially if it’s in a specific form and in a specific timeframe. This is self-centeredness and robs the relationship from the grace of giving. Maybe the other person has given back, but since it is not in the form or time expected, he or she might be accused of being ungrateful and not contributing to the relationship. This leaves the partner feeling isolated, misunderstood, and unappreciated. In this way, things are not done because of love but because something must be earned. Giving as a gift has been forgotten. Again, this is not about “me” but about “the team”. The stronger person wants to be recognized while dismissing the other when they should be injecting confidence to the “weaker” person, so they can reach their fullest potential. If there is a pattern of attracting someone who’s weaker, then most probably there is a karmic debt that needs to be paid to that person. You must learn to be sensitive and listen to your partner’s needs, to notice and act when your partner needs support. Timing is key: drop everything and do it now. Later will be too late. That creates a loving connection that long-lasting relationships enjoy. The challenge here is to be vulnerable, intimate, and let go of control. Give more than you receive. If you do, you won’t lose the people you want to impress, but your true self will shine through. It holds the key which will open the door to a truer you and to the deep, loving, and loyal relationship you seek because you are working together. One person will have what the other is lacking and that makes a strong partnership. You will become more approachable, present, and lovable.
Avoid at all costs any fights during this eclipse. This is not a contest of your needs vs. my needs but a chance to sit down and listen to find a solution together. This is the time of the peacemaker, not the warrior. The war is over. Make alliances and sign treatises. Notice that when everything is running smoothly — in business or in love — it’s because there is a strong teamwork and partnership behind it. When everything is going downhill, the lessons to build strong relationships have not been learned yet. Your partner’s reaction is a reliable indicator of your awareness. Remember, in partnerships, it’s not me and you. The partner is part of you. You both are one entity.
ECLIPSED MOON CONJUNCTS MARS RETROGRADE IN LIBRA
Something to add to the equation of this eclipse is the Moon in Libra in conjunction with Mars retrograde in Libra. Our free will will be thwarted, things will get delayed, and quarrels with the significant other and/or business partner arise at the slightest provocation. Signing contracts and partners at this time may not be fruitful, or at the very least, will be like a series of unfortunate events. Things seem to not go through. “Why is everything so difficult and complicated?“, you might think. Some of us will feel quite tired, easily irritated, and not as enthusiastic as usual. Use this time, as you are allowed, to rest, to plan, to reflect, and not to do. You might also feel physically tired, so resting and not overextending yourself will be a good idea. Forcing your partner to work or do more is an even worse idea. Honor the needs and rhythm of the other. Mars in Libra does not know how to measure how much energy it has available, thus it is difficult to identify when to work and when to rest. The tendency is to overwork, thinking that you have more energy than you really have, and this might compromise your health and wellbeing. This eclipse is particularly helping us to understand and get to know ourselves better through our relationships. By comparing ourselves to someone else or ourselves within a context of different relationships, we get a better grasp of our true self. This experience is preparing us for bigger things later this year and helping us to let go of those attachments that are preventing us from growing into becoming our brightest, authentic self.
Did you watch the lunar eclipse? How have you felt the effects of this lunar eclipse? Has it been difficult or easy? Please share your feelings and observations in the comments section below.